Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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