everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
birth control should be required to get into college
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
