Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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