exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
