Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
