Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
