Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she told me i tasted like america
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
