Sry I called you an 8
In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
