Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
