she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
