go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
