Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
