I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
