Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
