i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
