this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
