The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
