I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
