Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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