i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
