I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
