i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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