so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
