Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
