Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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