life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
