I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
