You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
