It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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