So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
