when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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