you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
