we're chasing vodka with high fives
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
