You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
