I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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