There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Randomize
