Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
