I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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