he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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