I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
