genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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