i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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