just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
