It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
