I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
