When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
