The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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