she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
