She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
