Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
