Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We were destined to go to rehab together
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
